We once stayed with friends while
visiting Kansas City, MO. They had the
habit of always keeping their blinds closed.
It drove us batty, so when they were away at work, we opened them up and
let the beautiful rays of the sun enter the room. We made sure the blinds were fully closed
when they came home from work. After
all, we had no other place to stay.
Our present home has a full wall of
windows from overhead to nearly the floor.
That’s great for the backyard.
Our living room faces the street, with my lounge chair completely
visible, so I raise the curtains enough for others not to see us. I don’t like living in a fishbowl. My wife isn’t bothered by open shades, so she
opens them more than I feel comfortable with.
I’ll come in and see the big center blind open, and I raise it, only for
my wife to come by and put it down. This
happens so much, I think the neighbors across the street are probably thinking
we are sending some kind of coded message!
Am I being unfair? After all, the blinds are fully open that
face our beautiful backyard. Isn’t that
enough? Not. We do have a mutual friend who is a
mediator. Perhaps we should hire someone
from his office to assist us.
We have been asked by several
people, “How have you stayed married so long? What’s the secret?” Here is the secret: Are you ready for this?
There is no secret. It’s out in the
open. The answer lies in two words: love
& commitment. Most believe they have
the first word down, but what kind of love are we talking about? It’s not, “As long as you keep me happy, I’ll
love you.” In other words, “What’s in it
for me?”
As a couple’s therapist, I would
ask couples if they agreed with this statement:
“Marriage is a 50/50 proposition?”
Most agreed. The answer is “Marriage
is a 100/100 proposition.” If we only go
halfway and draw a line, we can say, “I did my part, now you do yours.” We get rid of the line if we both give 100%
to the other. There may be a time when someone
can only give 60% because of illness and personal struggles. That’s when the other partner is there for
them.
Back to the blinds. We have both accepted that we each want something
different. Whomever uses the room positions
the blind. If both are in the room, we leave
it where it is presently located or ask the other if they don’t mind us moving
it. We can live with that, after all, we
are giving at our best…usually.
