Marriage and the Battle of the Blinds

We once stayed with friends while visiting Kansas City, MO.  They had the habit of always keeping their blinds closed.  It drove us batty, so when they were away at work, we opened them up and let the beautiful rays of the sun enter the room.  We made sure the blinds were fully closed when they came home from work.  After all, we had no other place to stay.

Our present home has a full wall of windows from overhead to nearly the floor.  That’s great for the backyard.  Our living room faces the street, with my lounge chair completely visible, so I raise the curtains enough for others not to see us.  I don’t like living in a fishbowl.  My wife isn’t bothered by open shades, so she opens them more than I feel comfortable with.  I’ll come in and see the big center blind open, and I raise it, only for my wife to come by and put it down.  This happens so much, I think the neighbors across the street are probably thinking we are sending some kind of coded message!

Am I being unfair?  After all, the blinds are fully open that face our beautiful backyard.  Isn’t that enough?  Not.  We do have a mutual friend who is a mediator.  Perhaps we should hire someone from his office to assist us.

We have been asked by several people, “How have you stayed married so long? What’s the secret?”  Here is the secret: Are you ready for this? There is no secret.  It’s out in the open.  The answer lies in two words: love & commitment.  Most believe they have the first word down, but what kind of love are we talking about?  It’s not, “As long as you keep me happy, I’ll love you.”  In other words, “What’s in it for me?” 

As a couple’s therapist, I would ask couples if they agreed with this statement:  “Marriage is a 50/50 proposition?”  Most agreed.  The answer is “Marriage is a 100/100 proposition.”  If we only go halfway and draw a line, we can say, “I did my part, now you do yours.”  We get rid of the line if we both give 100% to the other.  There may be a time when someone can only give 60% because of illness and personal struggles.  That’s when the other partner is there for them.

Back to the blinds.  We have both accepted that we each want something different.  Whomever uses the room positions the blind.  If both are in the room, we leave it where it is presently located or ask the other if they don’t mind us moving it.  We can live with that, after all, we are giving at our best…usually.

 

 

FOUNDATIONS OF INDEPENDENCE

I grew up in an inexpensive house.  I knew we were poor when we visited my Uncle Dave.  They lived in a beautiful two-story home with immaculate furnishings.  The style of our furniture was Early Goodwill.  My father and a friend built an addition onto the kitchen.  At the time, it looked big, but it didn’t look so big when I came back as an adult.    

Many of you may have seen the Canadian comedy show, “Red Green.”  Red fixed everything with duct tape.  My dad fixed everything with Liquid Nails.  It often didn’t look that pretty, but was sometimes functional.

The house had a forbidden corner.  It was where a water pump once stood, so the floor sagged in that corner.  It wasn’t good for anything except storing bathroom linens.  My dad would say, “You kids don’t get too close to that corner, you might fall in!”  We were scared to get near it, except to retrieve a bath towel and wash cloth.  I would stand at some distance and reach as far as I could without falling into that chasm where I would disappear for all eternity.  If you ever dropped any change in the kitchen, it would probably roll down there, and the rescue of that coin wasn’t worth the danger.

Fast forward to the present.  We bought a house that had problems we weren’t aware of.  The house is not level!  Our ground is clay near a drainage ditch.  When it rains, the clay acts like a sponge, expanding the foundation.  Now, if a friend falls indoors, we only have to go to the Northeast corner of the room to find where they rolled.  Well, it’s not that bad, but you get the point.

FOUNDATIONS ARE IMPORTANT for houses and for nations.  Friday is Independence Day in the U.S. Our nation has certain foundational principles and ideas.  Those principles came from four basic sources.   The four major influences were ancient thought, Enlightenment philosophy, the English tradition, and Protestant Christianity.  (1) Ancient world thinkers and their failures taught the Founders a lot when constructing the American republic.   (2) Enlightenment thinkers emphasized that the people should rule themselves through a limited government that would protect natural rights and secure the liberties of the people.  (3) The British protected basic rights, such as the right to trial by jury, property rights, and no taxation without consent. The government would be limited, especially the monarchy. (4) The writings associated with the Protestant Reformation emphasized individual liberty from civil and religious oppression. Protestant ideas, based on Scripture, of resistance against tyranny were generally consistent with the other three strains of republican thought. (For further reading on this, click here.)

If you start to erode any of these four building blocks of the foundation of America, it causes instability.  If enough is chipped away, the nation can fall.  The one area that has most eroded is the Biblical principles because they are the easiest to attack and misinterpret.  We have gone on a witch hunt for Christian teachings that were used to build our original foundation.  After all, it was Jesus who told the story about the foolish man who built his house on a foundation of sand.  The winds and rain came, and the house was destroyed.  The wise man built his house upon a rock, and it withstood all that came against it. (Matthew 7:24-27).  We know how we built our foundation.  If we let it erode, we only have ourselves to blame.

As we consider these things, let’s be thankful for the wisdom of our founding fathers.  They gave us a great start. It is our responsibility to preserve it. 

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

CAR CONNECTIONS

 I have driven different types of cars over the years.  Most of my cars were either given to me, or I bought used.  Used cars come with a certain activity we call “repair.”  

My Dad was old enough to have learned to drive in a Model T Ford, most likely the one with a crank start.  He didn’t keep up with the times.  When my wife and I were first married, we drove a car her father gave us as a wedding present.  When my dad got into it, he exclaimed, “With all of these knobs and contraptions, how can you make this thing go!”  Trust me, it was a standard model from the 1960s or ‘70s.  By the old standards, the cars of today look like the control panels in a rocket ship!

My Dad was a Rambler car man.  His first Rambler was a 1960 American.  I never understood his fascination with them.  Our air conditioning was a 4-40 (4 windows down while going 40 miles per hour.) When it was time for Dad to buy me a car, you guessed it…a Rambler.  We pulled up the front of the seller’s place, he said, “Now that’s the car for you!”  I knew I was going to get stuck with it, but I had no choice…he was buying.  It was a stick shift on the column station wagon.  Later, I bought my car, a Chevy Belair.  I was moving up in the world.

My older brother, Dave, was the mechanic in the family.  I never bothered to learn to work on cars, I had him around until I headed off for college and seminary.  It was time to learn something about car repair.  This was pre-YouTube, so I had to rely on a printed repair manual.  I think my first adventure was replacing brake pads and shoes.  With the mission accomplished, I had fellow students saying, “Hey, I hear you work on cars.”  “Sort of” I replied.  I was willing to take a stab at other repairs, under the condition they bought a repair manual and any tool I needed to get the job done.  That is how my tool inventory began.  Fifty years later, I’m still helping others with repairs.  I recently worked on a car belonging to my friend from Tanzania, Africa.  

Cars seem to take on the characteristics of their owners like couples who grow old and start to look like each other.  I guess you can tell a lot about a person by seeing how they decorate and treat their automobiles.  We also associate certain vehicles with people we know.  Before they get close, I know who is coming.  Sometimes, I only know new neighbors by their vehicles.  Next door is “White Van.”

I see my friend, Dean, every few years.  Out of the blue, he wants to go to breakfast.  Last week he picked me up.  I wasn’t sure what vehicle he was driving.  He sent me a text, “I’ll be there in a few.  Wear a jacket.”  While I was standing outside waiting, I saw this nice, new black pickup as it turned the corner.  He looked like he was going to pull over.  I took one step forward and he continued.  Coming from the other direction was Dean, driving a blue shoe box on wheels, with no windows.  Hence, a need for a jacket.

Cars can be a gift of encouragement.  While living in Santa Monica, California, I served on a church staff.  I held a Bible study for employees of City Hall.  I started this with my friend, Jim.  Jim knew I didn’t make much money.  Perhaps he learned about the time I pulled up by City Hall.  While parking the car, it started to roll back.  Some officers came to my rescue.  I said, “Hold it,” while I reached under the seat to grab a brick and place it under a wheel.  I said, “Sorry.  My emergency brake doesn’t work, so I use this emergency brick.”  One of the officers replied, “Chaplain, you need a new car.”  I couldn’t agree more, and that is where my friend Jim comes in.  He asked me, “Are you taking a vacation this summer?”  I said, “Well, we are just going to stick close to home.  Maybe a day trip.”  The next week at Bible study, he handed me a check and said, “I had a used car I was going to sell and felt the Lord wanted you to have this to help you out.”  We had that vacation.

A lot of memories are created in cars.  As a family, we usually took a driving vacation each summer.  In doing so, we had some wonderful experiences of seeing many of the U.S. States.  Jim, my kid brother, and I had some great adventures.  

The most important things in life are experiences.  We didn’t have to have a lot of money for us neighborhood kids to ride with my dad on a fishing or camping adventure.

What memories do you associate with or without cars?  Consider sending them in so others can enjoy the good times with you.  Send an email to journeyintostory@google.com. 

 

Not The Mama!

 

My mother loved the TV show, "Dinosaurs."  It was a show about an everyday dinosaur family made of up costumed characters.  The brother and sister were teenagers.  The baby would usually sit in a high chair.  When addressing his father, he would say, "Not the Mama!"  Mama would be the foundation for the home, and dad was a dufuss.  Do you notice in comedy shows that the father is often portrayed as an appendage to the family, appearing not to know much?  

Men have been taking the wrap for a long time.  First, there was the Women's Lib movement.  Women felt they had to be as good or better as a men.  They were taught that women didn't need a man. Right.

I have the unfortunate situation that my granddaughter and me have birthdays just a few days apart.  My son, her father, told me a few years back, "You know Pop, who is getting the attention in August?  Yep, your granddaughter."  It came as no surprise to me, because I'm not the Mama or Grandma!  By the way, my wife and I own a house.  When my son tells anyone that he is coming over, he says he is going to "Mom's house."  Hello!

I actually don't mind the birthday thing.  If I have to share birthday limelight, I don't mind the other celebrant is my beautiful granddaughter. There has been mostly boys in my family, so we secretly hoped our first grandchild would be a granddaughter.  We got what we hoped for and now she is the "Princess" of the family.  Her younger brother, who was smart to have his birthday in July, is her understudy to royalty.

When in comes to family, we really do need each other!    

IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Do you know those kinds of mornings when nothing seems to go right?  Today was my turn!  It was painful.  I got out the door late for a retina exam...no breakfast.  Traffic was terrible so I got there late.  I asked the office person if I had time to go downstairs to get a coffee and grab a bite.  She said, "Possibly."  That's when they came out into the waiting room, "Wally."  I was whisked into a room where they tested my eyesight, and then put in the dilation drops.  I was sent down to a different waiting room.  I waited for a while, then asked the desk person, "Now do you think I have time to go downstairs?"  "Well, you are number two on the list. If you are late we will take the next patient."  I told her, "I'll take my chance."

I get to the coffee shop, and you guessed it.  I had to wait in line.  I  finally ordered a coffee and pastry.  When I took the lid off of the coffee to add cream, it was filled to the BRIM.  I looked up at the barista, and she said, "Just dump some of it in the trash."  I grabbed the cup but the slight squeezing effect spilled hot coffee on the counter AND my hand!  After praying to the Patron Saint of Burns,  I made my way back up six floors.  

When I walked in, a patient asked, "Are you Wally?"  "Yes," I cringed.  "They just called your name," he announced.  Fine.  I had some time to eat.  after a couple of bites, they called me, so I packed up everything and moved to another examining room.  While waiting for the doctor I FINALLY finished my coffee and pastry.  

When the Doc came in, he asked, "How are you doing."  I said, "Fine, but I'll get over it."  He liked that one.  When we were done he said, "Well go out and have a bad day," with a smile.  I told him, "Some people have bad days, I have bad decades."  I left him laughing. He dilated my eyes, took a look, and said, "Looks good."

As I was leaving the office, I thought, "I don't need those little sunshades they give you.  After all, My glasses were photo-grey.  When I hit the outside, I realized I probably should have taken the sunglasses, but hey, I can do this.  I entered the parking structure and questioned myself about what floor my car was parked on.  I wasn't seeing well, so I could not find my car, even while holding my key fob and pressing the alarm button.  

Okay, I made my way back up the sixth floor to the doctor's office and got the sunshade.  I headed downstairs to the lobby.  I told the information person I was having a hard time finding my car.  She said, "I can call security for you." With twenty-six years in law enforcement, I couldn't imagine asking a security officer to drive me around to find my car. Thank God, I am retired!  I told the hostess, "I'll go check again for my car." She replied, "You might miss the security officer."  "I'll take my chances," I replied.  

This time, armed with sunglasses and clearer eyes, I found the car...FINALLY! I did make it back home with minutes to spare before my wife needed the car.  I was exhausted, but thankful to have doctors to take care of me and a car to make it to appointments.  This is especially helpful since most of the names in my directory start with "Dr."

 

Have you had one of those days you would like to share?  Hit to pencil below to place a comment.  It would be nice to know I'm not alone with these kinds of experiences.

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU!

 

My wife and I recently went through the same medical procedure; cataract surgery.  Because I'm a gentleman, I let her go first (she claims I had another reason for doing so).  The surgery wasn't so bad.  The tricky part was remembering to put in the eyedrops 4, 3, 2, times a day that differed for each eye.

They took the patch off the next day.  It is amazing how bright the lights and colors are now.  When I compared them to the untreated eye, they were yellowish in one eye and brilliant in the other.  I looked in the mirror and realized, "I don't have renal failure after all!"

Many things in life can color our vision of the world around us.  We may see others through the lens of opinions or prejudices.  The problem is that we think we are seeing things clearly because the lens has been tainted for so long.  Don't let anyone tell you they see clearly on every issue.  While you are at it, don't claim the same pronouncement.

There is only one person who walked this earth who didn't need his lens cleaned...Jesus Christ.  If he saw something and made a claim about it, it was clear and true.  He hung around some sketchy figures.  He didn't see them as sketchy, but people with needs.  He saw what they could become. I wish I had those kinds of lenses!

I read about a man who wanted to see others as Jesus did, so he took a grease pencil and put a cross on each lens of his glasses.  He then stated, "I now see the world through the cross of Jesus." 

We will always have some discoloration as we look at others and the world, but if we allow Christ to help us see more clearly, it can make a difference.  That's the kind of “different" we all can use.

Here's looking at you!

 

                                                    

CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

 

I had a tight circle of neighborhood friends when I was growing up.  I was part of a trio of three best friends.  We played ball, fished, camped, and made up adventures together.  Both were at our wedding (more about them later).

I learned to appreciate my circle of siblings later in life.  There is quite an age difference between us.  Only three remain out of six kids: Karol, Jim, and yours truly.  Jim and I had our little brother, big brother stuff. Once at dinner, he said he had an upset tummy, was dismissed, then ran out to play ball. I knew he was faking, so I  ran after him and yelled, "You Faker," while hitting him over the head. We survived and we are good adult friends.  Karol has stood by me during difficult times. What can I say?  I love my Sis.

Friends come wrapped in different surprise packages.  Doug and I got together over our differences regarding climate change. I could call him an "Alarmist," and he could call me a "Denier."  Neither is accurate.  That subject is long past.  We now share many things, including prayers for each other. 

I'm at the age where I keep losing people.  Our bodies wear out, much like clothing.  I have my favorite shirts and wear them over and over.  Each time they are washed, fibers of the fabric come off and end up in the lint trap.   I clean the screen and toss the lint away, and regrettably, I have to pitch my favored shirts when they wear out.  Slowly, and sometimes quickly, our bodies break down until there isn't anything left. 

Soon, my wife and I celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary (Applause!).  While waiting for our meal at a restaurant, we decided to imagine we were at a huge round table with family and friends who had made an impact on our lives. (Disclaimer: this is not an exhaustive list, but I want you to stay with me).  My earliest friends were Dale and Mike, the other two of the tight trio. neighbors on our dead-end street.  These are the friends you take everywhere you go, though miles separate.  Grandma Frye was a special friend.  She wasn’t my grandma, but a neighbor who lived across the alley from us.  She lived in a garage apartment next to her son’s home.  When I visited, she had a treat and would tell me Bible stories and listen to Billy Graham on the radio.  It was a place I could go to be a child.

Where we live now, we have a neighborhood "Mayor" named Bill.  He's the go-to guy to discover the latest gossip, I mean news.  I'm the "Cop."  I keep my eyes on the neighborhood.  My wife is the "Person of Peace" who learns about the concerns of our neighbors and does something about it, with the permission of the Mayor and the Cop (who agree if they want peace in the neighborhood).  In reality, everyone in the hood has a role and a story.  We are a loosely connected circle that becomes a tighter circle when the need arises.  

We belong to other circles outside the neighborhood.  They make a constellation in our lives that makes our universe better and happier. 

(What Circle of Friends do you have?  Please share YOUR story by clicking on the pencil icon below).  

 

     

   

     

Two Stories for the Price of One

We recently had new countertops installed. I’m kind of a do-it-your-selfer, but my wife drew the line when it came to the kitchen. “Okay dear, we’ll have someone do the work,” I said reluctantly. Since our kitchen had no sink at that time, It was convenient for my wife to say, “Where are you taking me for supper tonight?” We ended up at one of our favorite places, Buddies. When we sat down at the restaurant, I noticed Hunt’s ketchup on the table.  I always notice Hunt’s Ketsup when I see it. It all has to do with Phil. Phil was a good friend who proofread my book. He was a stickler for proper words and English. One day he noticed something out of place on Hunt’s ketchup bottle on their table (see photo). 

 The average person would not catch this, so I guess I’m an average person :) As you look at the word Hunt’s on the bottle, you see a capital “H” followed by small case letters, “unt’s.” At the time he was looking at the bottle, he saw a capital “H,” followed by a capital “U” and then a small case “nt’s.” A small case “u” has that little squiggly in the lower right of the letter. The older bottles had the “u” without the squiggly, making it a capital. Well, Phil could not let this happen, so he wrote to Hunt’s company to inform them of their fo pau. Eventually, they changed it. We have my friend, Phil, to thank for that. Now doesn’t that make you feel better?

Here is the second story. You notice the photo of me holding Hunt’s bottle. 

Now, look at the close-up of my face...go ahead, it won’t hurt too bad :) 

 Do you see that little nail sticking out from the bridge of my glasses? The glasses have little magnets that hold sunglass lenses. I had put my glasses on the top of my chest of drawers. As I picked them up to put on, I didn’t notice the nail until at the restaurant when my wife looked at me kind of funny and said, “Do you have something stuck to your glasses?” I hadn’t thought about it since I get some long eyebrow hairs hanging down. It was stuck to the magnet that holds on my sunglasses.  The first thing I did when I got home was to cut back my eyebrows!

I hope you enjoyed my two-for-one story today. Check back again. You never know what unusual things I will share. 

(C) 2023 Wally Johnston